


My Number One

by skyla2010star



Series: Adoration in the Cosmos [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Flushed Romance | Matesprits, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-17
Updated: 2013-01-13
Packaged: 2017-11-18 20:37:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/565038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyla2010star/pseuds/skyla2010star
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John thinks he likes someone, but doesn't know how he feels about that. Can his friends help?</p>
<p>Based on My Number One by Paramore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which Karkat Is Frustrated and John Is An Idiot

**Author's Note:**

> I love you all. And you will be able to see it in the coloring of the chat log. It took me FOUR hours last night, that I know of, and about another hour this morning, too. But I wanted it to look authentic, for you guys. Even though this is my first fic. Anyway, here it is. Enjoy!
> 
> Also, huge round of applause and many many hugs to my moirail, for being my beta. This work is also for her birthday, which was back in July... So yeah... Bit late on this particular site, but I posted it on my dA account (skyla2010star) and my Tumblr (skylastar) a few weeks ago. XD

Karkat sighed as he logged out of Trollian. He didn’t know what these feelings were, and it was making him disgruntled. He really only noticed them when he was talking to John. He shook his head as he walked back to his respiteblock, not noticing the figure walking silently along behind him. When he got there, he was surprised when he couldn’t close the door all the way. He looked down to see what was blocking the way and saw a foot. A foot with a white shoe on it. Karkat opened the door to yell at his intruder, and was instead met with a blank stare. He groaned.  
  
“What the hell are you doing here? Don’t you have programs to code or something?”  
  
“How long?” Sollux asked.  
  
“How long WHAT? What are you talking about, even?”  
  
“How long have you been flushed for thith kid?”  
  
Karkat growled. “His name is John, and I’m NOT flushed for the idiot. Now leave me the fuck alone. I’m not in the mood.”  
  
“Oh really?” Sollux let himself into Karkat’s respiteblock, not caring that he was starting to get huffy because of the uninvited entry. “You’re not flushed for him, huh? Becauthe the fact that you knew exactly what kid I wath talking about when there are four of them, not to mention the growl, kind of thayth otherwithe.”  
Karkat growled again, then sighed before trying to leave. Sollux wasn’t having any of it, though, and kept the door firmly shut with his psionics. Karkat tried to pull the door open, but his attempts were futile. Sollux’s psionics were powerful, and the door wouldn’t budge. Karkat sighed, yet again, and went to lie down on his couch. It wasn’t as comforting as his recuperacoon, but he wasn’t going to sleep yet, either.  
  
“KK, talk. What’th bothering you tho much? I hardly ever thee you being anything other than mopey lately, unleth you’re really mad.”  
  
“I do NOT mope.”  
  
“Okay then… Tell me why you thuddenly don’t care about the humanth hooking up with uth. Or why you thuddenly keep going to Rothe to talk about the thingle quadrantth humanth have.”  
  
“First of all, how the hell do you even know about me talking to Rose? Second of all, we’ve already been on this godforsaken rock FOR AN ENTIRE FUCKING SWEEP! And we still have another half a sweep left! What else are we supposed to do? Just sit around and twiddle our thumbs? Let the humans be dumb and hook up with whoever the fuck they want. I don’t care anymore. Third, you’re not my moirail. Gamzee is. So leave. Me. Alone.”  
  
Sollux gaped at Karkat. Normally by this point, he would ONLY be yelling, and there would be a hell of a lot more cursing than that. Whatever JN did, it was messing KK up bad. It might not necessarily be a bad thing, but it was still a drastic change.  
  
“Well,” Sollux said, backing out of the door, “look at it like thith. At leatht we only have half a sweep. Then you get to thee your human matethprit all you want.” And with that, he was walking down the hallway again, with a smirk on his face.  
  
Karkat’s eyes went wide and a candy red blush was forming on his cheeks. He clambered out of bed and ran to the door, wrenching it open. He stared at Sollux’s back before yelling at him.  
  
“THERE’S NO WAY IN HELL I’M FLUSHED FOR THAT STUPID IDIOT! ABSOLUTELY NO WAY!” When he was done yelling, he slammed his door shut, picked up a conveniently placed book, threw it at his wall, and screamed. He leaned his back against the door, sinking against the door and breathing heavily. “I’m NOT flushed for him. Right? I CAN’T be. I don’t pity him… What is this stupid feeling? Why does my bloodpusher race whenever I think of him? Ugh! He’s a gogdamned moron! I can’t stand him!”  
  
Before he could stop them, a few tears fell, staining his cheeks candy red. He rubbed his face dry and stood up. He had resolved to go see Rose (as insufferable as she could be sometimes, she knew more about the stupid human quadrant than anyone else on the stupid flying space rock) and opened the door to do just that when he stopped in his tracks.  
  
“How long were you standing there?”  
  
“Just long enough for you to profess to anyone within ear range that you don’t actually know how you feel about John,” Rose replied. Karkat groaned. “Just out of curiosity, do you actually hate him?”  
  
“I don’t know! You might as well come in, though. I was getting ready to go see you anyway.” Karkat let her in, closing the door behind her. “I honestly don’t know what the hell I’m feeling. One minute I pity him. The next minute I hate him. And then the minute after that I just want to be friends. And then he’ll do something unbelievably STUPID that’ll just make me want to pity him again!”  
  
“Listening to this now, and also taking into account the numerous other rants that you’ve subjected me to pertaining to a certain Mr. John Egbert, it sounds to me like you are in love.”  
Karkat paused for a minute then asked, “What is love?”  
  
Rose smirked briefly, thinking of the popular Haddaway song, before replying. “Do you remember all of those talks that we’ve had pertaining to the only quadrant humans have?”  
  
“How could I NOT? It’s pretty much all we talk about whenever we’re in the same damn room.”  
  
“Yes, well. Love is the emotion that people deal with in that quadrant. It’s somewhat like your red quadrant, and is actually related to a heart and the color red more than any other symbol or color, making them the most used color and symbol. Particularly around Valentine’s Day, which is a day used to celebrate this emotion, or quadrant if you will.”  
  
“Okay, but you said ‘somewhat’. What’s different about it?”  
  
“Love is somewhat…. All encompassing.”  
  
“…What?”  
  
“It can make you feel any emotion towards your significant other while still wanting to be with him or her. It can make you feel sorry for your significant other, or you can be mad at him or her for a completely stupid reason, or you can even be frustrated. But no matter what your current feelings are, you still want to be with that person no matter what. It also causes people to become possessive and protective, sometimes over-protective even. And if Sollux cackling and going on about ‘KK growling at people’ is anything to go by, you are actually feeling protective. Love is also very confusing, especially when you’re actually the one experiencing it.” Rose paused. “And you sound very confused.”  
  
“I AM confused! How can you have black feelings for your matesprit? That doesn’t make any sense!”  
  
“Well, it’s not TRULY hate. You may dislike them for something they’ve done, but chances are you don’t ACTUALLY hate them. And if you do, then you don’t love them, and don’t want to be with them.”  
  
“…So you’re saying, and I can’t believe I’m even entertaining this idea, that I’m in love with Egbert.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“You’re a moron. But,” he continued before Rose could interrupt him, “I can kind of see how that would make sense. I mean, I only pity him sometimes, but I still feel…attached to him somehow. And you’re right, I do get kind of protective of him. I still don’t get what that really MEANS, though, or how that affects our relationship or whatever the hell you want to call it. Especially if John’s apparently ‘not a homosexual’, whatever the fuck that nonsensical word means.”  
  
“It means one who does not like someone of the same gender in a romantic way.” Karkat gave her a blank stare. “Something you are. YOU are the same gender as John.”  
  
“So you’re telling me that just because we’re both MALE, that means that he won’t or doesn’t like me? How does something like that even exist?”  
  
“That is precisely what that means. However, that is also the reason that I came to see you.”  
  
“To talk about how much he doesn’t like me because I’m male?”  
  
“Well, actually, he doesn’t know anymore.”  
  
“What do you mean he doesn’t know? How can he NOT KNOW? He either does like me, or he doesn’t.”  
  
“Because he is only fifteen years old, and a lot of humans, the majority of them, actually, don’t know what they want in regards to a relationship until they are quite a few years older than that. I’m not saying that it’s not possible, because it is. It’s just rare. So it’s actually completely normal for him to not know. Although I get the feeling he’s leaning more towards the homosexual side, rather than the not homosexual side.”  
  
Karkat’s bloodpusher did a flip in his chest. “Oh yeah? And what’s made you come to this conclusion?”  
  
“Maybe the fact that whenever we talk he brings you up in some form, and he frequently tells me that he can’t wait to meet you in person.”  
  
“… He talks about me?”  
  
“Almost as often as you talk about him.”  
  
Karkat blinked back a few more tears, not wanting to get his hopes up in case it wasn’t true. “So… You think he likes me?”  
  
“Well, I think he likes you a lot and just hasn’t realized it yet.”  
  
“Oh… Well. Thanks for… you know. Letting me know, I guess.”  
  
“What’s this? The ever-angry Karkat Vantas is actually thanking someone?”  
  
“Yeah, and don’t get used to it. And don’t tell ANYONE about it, either. Anyway, I gotta go. Bye.”  
Karkat left and walked back to the lab. He logged back into Trollian and found that John was still on. He hesitated for a few minutes, trying to decide if he was actually going to initiate a conversation with him. After a few minutes, he made his decision.

  


carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

CG: HEY EGBERT.  
EB: oh, hey karkat.  
EB: I thought you were getting off to go do some important stuff or something.  
CG: WELL I’VE DONE IT, SO I’M BACK.  
EB: oh, okay! well that’s cool.  
CG: ANYWAY, I’VE GOT A QUESTION.  
EB: okay, shoot.  
CG: WHAT?  
EB: oh, it’s a human thing. just ask away.  
CG: WELL  
CG: I WAS JUST WONDERING  
CG: IF YOU WOULD EVER CONSIDER GOING OUT WITH ME  
EB: …  
CG: OR WHATEVER YOU HUMANS CALL IT.  
EB: but karkat  
CG: NOT A HOMOSEXUAL  
CG: I KNOW.  
CG: BUT IF YOU WERE  
CG: DO YOU THINK THAT YOU’D LIKE ME?  
EB: well  
EB: actually  
EB: i kind of wanted to talk to you about that.  
EB: i’ve been thinking lately about how much i like you as a friend.

  


Karkat was starting to feel nauseous. John said “as a friend”. Did this mean that he didn’t like him? At this point, Karkat decided that he would just try to tell him how he was feeling. But first he had to figure that out for himself.

  


CG: WAIT JOHN.  
CG: BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING ELSE  
CG: I WANT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.  
EB: what?  
CG: ACTUALLY  
CG: I CAN’T  
CG: I CAN’T EXPLAIN IT. WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TELL ME?  
EB: oh. okay then. i think that if i was a homosexual  
EB: that i would actually really like you  
EB: you know, like that.  
CG: LIKE WHAT?  
EB: like as a boyfriend or matesprite or whatever you call it  
CG: MATESPRIT. GOG, YOU COULD AT LEAST TRY TO GET THE NAME RIGHT.  
EB: yeah, that. i’m just saying that i don’t really know how i’m feeling right now. but if i did like boys like that  
EB: i think i’d like you more than anyone else./span>  
CG: …  
CG: WHAT ABOUT YOUR DAVE HUMAN?  
EB: hehe  
EB: he’s not mine. he’s just a human named dave that also happens to be my best bro.>/span>  
CG: OH. OKAY THEN.  
EB: that’s it? just “okay then”?  
CG: WELL IF YOU’RE NOT ACTUALLY A HOMOSEXUAL, AND YOU’RE JUST SAYING THAT I’D BE THE ONE YOU’D LIKE IF YOU WERE A HOMOSEXUAL , THEN HOW CAN ANYTHING ELSE APPLY HERE? YOU ALREADY SAID THAT YOU DON’T LIKE ME LIKE THAT. SO UNLESS YOU’RE CHANGING YOUR MIND AND TELLING ME THAT YOU DO ACTUALLY LIKE ME LIKE THAT, THEN THAT DOESN’T REALLY CHANGE ANYTHING, DOES IT?  
EB: …  
CG: UNLESS YOU ARE TELLING ME THAT.  
CG: IS THAT WHAT YOU WERE TELLING ME? THAT YOU DID CHANGE YOUR MIND AND THAT YOU DO LIKE ME LIKE THAT?  
EB: no.  
CG: WELL  
CG: OKAY THEN.  
EB: okay then.  
EB: but just so you know  
EB: you’re a really great guy  
EB: troll  
EB: whatever.  
CG: UM  
CG: THANKS. I GUESS.  
EB: no, i mean it.  
EB: you’re a really great guy and anyone would be lucky to be with you.  
EB: i just  
EB: it can’t be with me.  
CG: …  
EB: wait, don’t get upset!  
EB: that’s not what i meant.  
CG: WELL THEN WHAT DID YOU MEAN?  
CG: BECAUSE TO ME IT SOUNDED LIKE AN ALMOST CONFESSION  
CG: THAT YOU QUICKLY RESCINDED.  
EB: i meant not now. it can’t be me right now. i don’t even know what i’m feeling right now myself, so i definitely don’t want to drag anyone else through it.  
EB: so right now i just need to be single.  
CG: …  
EB: it would just be easier.  
CG: ON WHOM, EXACTLY, DO YOU THINK WOULD THIS BE EASIER?  
EB: oh man.  
EB: i really don’t mean to keep upsetting you karkat! i just think it would be easier on everyone.  
CG: YOU’RE NOT UPSETTING ME, YOU IDIOT. YOU’RE JUST AN IDIOT. THIS IS JUST RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS. YOU KEEP SAYING THAT YOU’RE DOING THIS BECAUSE IT’LL MAKE IT EASIER ON EVERYONE, BUT IT WON’T. IT’LL ONLY GET HARDER.  
EB: what are you talking about? i’m not running away from anything. i just think it’ll be easier on everyone if i just stay away from relationships right now until i figure out my feelings.  
EB: that way no one’s feelings get hurt.  
CG: LOOK, EGBERT. DO YOU LIKE SOMEONE?  
EB: yes  
EB: well  
EB: i mean  
EB: i think so  
CG: WELL THEN WHY NOT GIVE THAT PERSON A CHANCE? I MEAN, IF IT’S A GIRL, AND EVERYTHING WORKS OUT, AND YOU NEVER THINK OF A BOY LIKE THAT, THEN CONGRATULATIONS, YOU’RE NOT A HOMOSEXUAL. IF IT’S A BOY, AND YOU NEVER THINK OF A GIRL LIKE THAT, THEN CONGRATULATIONS, YOU’RE A HOMOSEXUAL. IF IT’S EITHER ONE OF THOSE, AND YOU STILL THINK ABOUT THE OPPOSITE ONE LIKE THAT, THEN CONGRATULATIONS YOU LIKE BOTH. THERE YOU GO. PROBLEM SOLVED.  
EB: …  
EB: you make this sound so easy.  
EB: it’s not that easy.  
CG: HOW IS IT NOT THAT EASY, EGBERT? I JUST FUCKING EXPLAINED TO YOU HOW EASY IT IS.  
EB: it’s just not.  
CG: …  
CG: I HATE YOU.  
EB: platonically?  
CG: NO.  
EB: …  
EB: okay then  
EB: i think that i might actually follow this advice.  
CG: …  
CG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE SERIOUS. THAT YOU’RE NOT JUST TRYING TO UP YOUR PRANKSTER’S GAMBIT OR WHATEVER THE FUCK.  
EB: no, i am serious.  
EB: but i think that i need to think about it first.  
CG: THIS AGAIN? HOW MUCH MORE DO YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT IT? SERIOUSLY, WE JUST HAD THIS ENTIRE CONVERSATION ALREADY.  
EB: just  
EB: please  
EB: i promise i’ll make it my number one priority on my list of things to think about.  
CG: UGH. FINE. WELL LET ME KNOW WHAT YOUR DECISION IS WHEN YOU MAKE IT SO I CAN CONGRATULATE THE HAPPY COUPLE OR WHATEVER IS APPROPRIATE IN YOUR STUPID HUMAN CUSTOMS FOR WHATEVER STUPID HUMAN DECISION YOU MAKE.  
EB: uh. sure.  
EB: well  
EB: i have to go…  
EB: do stuff…  
CG: YEAH. ME TOO.  
EB: bye then.  
CG: BYE.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

 

Karkat logged out of Trollian and got up. He started to walk back to his respiteblock (again) when he saw Dave leaning against the wall, talking to Terezi. Oh HELL no. If anyone could or would mess this up, it would be Dave. And he’d probably just do it for shits and giggles. Because it’s “ironic” or whatever. So Karkat started walking over to him. He wasn’t sure, because of those stupid hipster shades, but Karkat thought that Dave might have been following with his eyes until he was about a foot away.  
“You,” Karkat started, looking at Dave menacingly. “John has an important decision to make right now, and if I ever find out that you had any part in influencing his decision AT ALL, I will personally incapacitate you in whatever way necessary and place you bound and gagged on the floor at my moirail’s feet for him to do whatever the fuck he wants with you.” At that, Karkat stormed away, heading back to his respiteblock.  
  
Terezi turned her head away from where she heard Karkat’s footsteps in order to face Dave’s direction again. “What was that all about?”  
  
Dave shrugged. “Not a clue.”

Once Karkat was back in his respiteblock, he got ready to go to sleep and climbed into his recuperacoon. He sighed and leaned his head against the side of it before speaking quietly to himself. “You’re lying John, when you say that it would be easier on everyone. It won’t be. Not on me. Don’t you know you’re _my_ number one?” Karkat sighed again, drifting off to sleep


	2. In Which John Figures Some Stuff Out And Vriska Makes An Appearance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose helps John figure some stuff out, Vriska admits something to John, and Karkat becomes increasingly confused about John and Vriska's relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay guys. Had writer's block, was kinda busy, and I was really lazy half the time. But here it is!!

John sighed as he delayed logging onto Pesterchum. It had been six months since he told Karkat that he would think about a relationship with the person that he thinks he likes, and he still hadn’t worked up the courage to do it yet. Things were starting to get a little tense between the two of them. Karkat was getting more and more anxious of John’s answer, and John was getting more and more anxious about actually telling Karkat what he decided.  
  
He had finally decided, after much stressing out, that he did like Karkat. But he had also decided that he still wasn’t very comfortable with the idea of he himself being gay. With those two conflicting emotions running through his veins, he didn’t know how he would explain that he did want to be in a relationship with Karkat while still not wanting to be homosexual. He honestly didn’t see how it would work.  
When he finally logged in, he noticed that Karkat wasn’t online, and sighed a little in relief. He DID notice that Rose was online, though. This would either be a conversation that he would find to be either extremely helpful or extremely unhelpful. 

 

ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

EB: hey rose!   
TT: Hello, John. How are you today?   
EB: i’m okay… what about you?   
TT: I’m doing well.   
EB: that’s good. what about… what about the others?   
TT: Others?   
EB: you know. like, dave and terezi… karkat.   
TT: John, are you asking about one of those people in particular?   
EB: well, i mean i care about all of them.   
TT: Yes, but I get the distinct feeling that you are inquiring about one person, or troll, in particular.   
EB: …   
EB: yeah, you’re right.   
TT: Ah. I thought so.   
TT: He’s okay, by the way.   
EB: just okay?   
EB: and how did you know who i was talking about?   
TT: Yes, “okay”. He’s not very happy that you have continuously failed to give him an answer to whatever you are supposed to be thinking about for the past six months.   
EB: but   
TT: And really, John, I can’t say that I blame him. I would have thought that the two of you would have had this worked out ages ago.   
TT: You should have, too.   
EB: but rose   
TT: No buts.   
EB: ugh.   
TT: John, why haven’t you told him whatever it is that you were supposed to tell him sooner?   
EB: because i didn’t know until just a little while ago what it was that i wanted. and then i realized that no matter how i tell him what i decided, it’s going to be awkward because i’m not even sure how something like this can work.   
TT: Something like what?   
EB: well karkat wanted me to think about trying to be with the person that i think i might like, to give them a chance, and that by doing that it would help me figure out my sexuality. and i told him that i would listen to his advice. the problem is that i’ve decided that i do actually like this person, and that person happens to be male, and i’m still not okay with the idea of me being… well… romantically involved with a guy!   
TT: I see. John, would this other person happen to be Karkat?   
EB: yes.   
TT: Well then, I don’t see the problem.   
EB: what do you mean?   
TT: Karkat is a troll.   
EB: i know he is. what does that have to do with anything?   
TT: John, trolls do not have sexuality.   
EB: what?   
TT: For a troll, it is quite normal for a male to be in a quadrant with another male, or for a female to be in a quadrant with another female. For all intents and purposes, trolls do not view themselves to be in a relationship or quadrant with a male or a female per se, but rather with another troll. I’m not saying that they don’t use genders, because they do. But due to the fact that both male and female trolls send genetic material to the mother grub, it truly does not matter to them if another troll is male or female. So instead, just think of it as “that troll that’s in a quadrant with another troll”.   
EB: so… what does that mean? like, for me?   
TT: Did you not have a thing for Vriska at some point?   
EB: if by thing you mean that i liked her at some point, then yeah. but what does that have to do with anything?   
TT: Have you ever liked another human?   
EB: no…   
TT: And if you’ve never liked a human before, then obviously you haven’t liked either a human boy OR a human girl. So try not to think of yourself as either heterosexual or homosexual.   
EB: so what do you think i am then?   
TT: That’s easy.   
EB: …   
TT: You’re trollsexual.   
EB: trollsexual.   
TT: Yes, trollsexual. As the only beings you have liked or currently like are trolls, and they do not consider genders an important factor in a quadrant-mate, you are neither a homosexual nor a heterosexual. I suppose bisexual could be argued, but again, both aforementioned parties are trolls, so that just seems like the obvious deduction to me.   
EB: rose   
TT: Yes?   
EB: rose you’re a genius.   
EB: i’ll talk to you later. i have to go talk to karkat.

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

TT: …

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

EB: thank you so much rose!   
TT: You are quite welcome, John.

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]

 

John was very happy when he stopped talking to Rose. She just helped him figure everything out and now he definitely had to talk to Karkat. He had come online while John was still talking to Rose, and now John wanted to tell him that he finally, after six long, agonizing months, made a decision. Before he could, though, someone else started talking to him.

 

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

 

AG: Heeeeeeeey John!   
EB: hey vriska!   
EB: what’s up?   
AG: Oh, you know, the usual. ::::)   
EB: still got all those irons in the fire then?   
AG: Of course, John! What a8out you? What have you 8een up to?   
EB: not much. just talking to karkat and rose.   
EB: and you of course. I couldn’t forget about you.   
AG: Well I should hope not! You wouldn’t 8e a very good friend if you had, now would you????????   
AG: Have you talked to anyone eeeeeeeelse?   
EB: well i’ve talked to dave a couple of times but not all that much.   
EB: and jade, but that kinda makes sense since i’m on a giant floating spaceship with her.   
AG: Yeah, it would 8e kind of awkward if you lived with her for a whole sweep and never talked to her.   
AG: Aaaaaaaanyway! I really wanted to talk to you 8ecause I know what you’ve 8een up to!   
EB: oh no! you haven’t told anybody have you?   
AG: No, I wanted to talk to you a8out it first! Get it str8 from the source.   
EB: oh good. i haven’t told him yet, and it would just be awful if he found out from someone else first!   
AG: W8 w8 w8! You haven’t told who what yet? What are yoooooooou talking a8out?   
EB: i haven’t talked to karkat yet to tell him that i like him… what are you talking about??   
AG: W8 hold it! You like Karkat? And you didn’t tell me??   
EB: i haven’t told anybody yet! you and rose are the only people that know.   
AG: Rose knows? Geeeeeeeez John! How c8me she knows 8efore me?!   
EB: but   
AG: Seriously John! I thought we told each other eeeeeeeeverything!   
EB: vriska   
AG: Do you 8v8n realize how upsetting this is????????   
EB: VRISKA   
AG: Wh8t?   
EB: calm down.   
AG: ……..   
EB: are you calm now?   
AG: I guess so.   
EB: good. now can i explain?   
AG: Please!   
EB: the only reason rose knows before you or karkat is because I just stopped talking to her literally right before you started talking to me. She helped me understand the whole “trolls don’t have sexuality” thing better.   
EB: and i never brought anything up with her, she’s always the one that brought it up. which kinda makes me think that she talked to karkat too, but whatever.   
EB: and the only reason i was going to tell karkat before you is because it directly involves him and he deserves to be the first one to know.   
AG: Yeah, I guess that makes sense.   
AG: It just hurt a lot to find out that Rose knew 8efore me.   
EB: i didn’t mean to upset you! i promise!   
AG: Yeah, I know. Why couldn’t you have come to me a8out the sexuality thing, though?   
AG: I could have told you that! In fact, I haaaaaaaave tried to tell you that 8efore!   
EB: you remember when i told you that karkat wanted me to think about some stuff? like trying to work out a relationship with the person that i thought i might like?   
AG: Yeah.   
EB: well that person was karkat. and i’ve never thought of myself as a homosexual before. i don’t have a problem if someone else is or not, but whenever i thought about me being one it was really upsetting because i could never imagine myself doing anything with another guy that couples normally do together.   
AG: 8ut Karkat’s a guy……..   
EB: i know. but he’s also a troll.   
AG: Soooooooo? I’m a troll.   
EB: i know, that’s another thing that rose pointed out to me.   
AG: Pointed out…….. Joooooooohn, are you telling me that you didn’t realize that I was a troll 8efore today?   
EB: no no no! that’s not what i meant!   
AG: Oh really? Then what did you mean?   
EB: just that you and karkat are the only people that i’ve ever liked. and you’re both trolls.   
AG: Okaaaaaaaay.   
EB: once rose realized that, she told me that i’m trollsexual.   
AG: Trollsexual?   
EB: yeah, like… okay humans have homosexual, which is where a guy only likes guys or a girl only likes girls, heterosexual, which is where guys only like girls or girls only like guys, and bisexual, which is where a guy or girl likes both guys and girls. there’s actually a whole bunch more, but those are the biggest ones and the rest all confuse me.   
AG: Okay, so where does trollsexual come in?   
EB: well it never existed before today, really. humans never interacted with trolls before the game, so it wouldn’t make any sense to have had it. but now humans and trolls are talking to each other and since we’re kind of the only humans left, it does make sense to have it.   
EB: especially since, as rose pointed out to me earlier, there’s bound to be at least one human, like me, who’s only interested in trolls. so yeah. trollsexual totally just became a thing today because of me.   
AG: Ooooooooh. Okay. I get it now.   
AG: 8ut w8.   
AG: Karkat still doesn’t know?   
EB: no, because you started talking to me before i could start talking to him.   
AG: Oh. Sorry……..   
EB: it’s okay.  
AG: Sorry a8out the freak out earlier, too.  
EB: it’s fine. why did you freak out like that though?  
AG: 8ecause I’m……..  
EB: you’re what?  
AG: I’m pale for you, okay?  
EB: you’re pale for me?  
AG: Yes. I have 8een for a while now, actually.  
EB: what exactly does that mean? is this another one of those troll quadrant things?  
AG: Ugh. This is why it’s soooooooo hard to have feelings for a human.  
AG: They never understand any of the quadrants!  
EB: well maybe you can explain it to me? karkat’s tried, but i usually just end up more confused than when he started…  
AG: That figures.  
EB: anyway, why don’t you explain the quadrants to me?  
AG: Okay. Well, you know that there are four of them, right?  
EB: yeah, but after that i’m pretty much lost.  
AG: I’m gonna give you the watered down version, 8ecause otherwise you’ll just stay confused. Pretty sure that’s why Vantas keeps confusing you even more, he just goes on and on. 8lah 8lah 8lah. Not to mention we’ll be here forever if I fully explain them.  
EB: okay.  
AG: There’s the red, or flushed, quadrant. It’s the most closely associ8ed to what humans call love, from what I understand. That one’s 8ased on pity, though.  
EB: so pity’s a good thing to trolls?  
AG: Yeah. When you’re flushed for someone, you find everything that they do so pitiful that all you want to do is to take care of them, 8ecause it feels like they can’t take care of themselves half the time. While a part of you knows that they can, the other part is screaming that they’re waaaaaaaay too pitiful in everything they do to 8e a8le to take care of themselves.  
AG: Again, this is all extremely watered down. I’m not the 8est at explaining things though, and I figured that if the explan8ions from Vantas are too complic8ed for you that this is an easier way for you to understand it.  
AG: Do you get it so far?  
EB: so… when someone’s flushed for you, they love you?  
AG: Exactly! Seeeeeeee, you’re getting it. And when you have two people that are flushed for each other, they’re called m8sprits. Kind of like how humans have a 8oyfriend or girlfriend. We have a m8sprit. The symbol for this quadrant is the heart, too. Also like the single human quadrant, I think.  
EB: so karkat wants to be my matesprit?  
AG: Yep. The flushed quadrant is one of the only two that sends genetic material to the mother gru8, too.  
EB: genetic material?  
EB: you mean…  
AG: Yeah, 8ut I’m not going there with you. That’s now your m8sprit’s jo8. Let him explain that.  
EB: okay so what’s the other quadrant that does that?  
AG: What, send genetic material to the mother gru8?  
EB: yeah.  
AG: That would 8e the 8lack quadrant – kismesistude. That occurs, 8asically, when you really really h8 someone, 8ut you still wanna have sloppy makeouts with them. And the sym8ol for this quadrant is a spade.  
EB: so… you have sloppy makeouts based on pity, that’s the flushed quadrant, which involves matesprits. and then you also have sloppy makeouts based on hate, which is the black quadrant and involves a kismesis. kismeses?  
AG: Pretty much. Glad to see you’re getting all this. Vantas should be proud of me.  
EB: hehe.  
EB: so what’s the pale quadrant?  
AG: That’s another one 8ased on pity. You don’t pity them enough to want to take care of them or have sloppy makeouts with them, 8ut you do want to help them improve on some things. Kind of take them under your wing. That’s 8asically how I feel for you. It’s why it hurt so much to find out that you had talked to Rose about Vantas 8efore you talked to me. Two people in a pale relationship tell each other everything, and go to each other for advice. The sym8ol for this one is a diamond.  
EB: so kind of like a best friend?  
AG: Very loosely, yes. See, when it involves two trolls, there’s usually a calming effect in the relationship, too. Like, say we become moirails, that’s what two people in a pale relationship are called, and I got reeeeeeeeally mad at someone and wanted to kill them. It would 8e your jo8 to calm me down enough so that I don’t go on a murderous rampage. Trolls are dangerous and violent enough in everyday life without having everyone killing each other at every chance we get.  
EB: so when i told you to calm down earlier? was that basically what i was doing, acting like your moirail?  
AG: Yeah. I didn’t actually want to kill anyone, 8ut yeah it’s the same 8asic thing. We help each other improve and keep each other calm so that no one dies unnecessarily.  
AG: Which is where the next quadrant comes in. This is another quadrant 8ased on hate. This quadrant has three people though, and its sym8ol is a club. See, when two people actually hate each other enough to want to kill each other, and this has to 8e concentr8ed on just these two trolls or humans or whatever, then a third person would come 8etween them to medi8. This person is called an auspistice. So it’s also called the ashen quadrant. It still deals with strong hate, like the 8lack quadrant, 8ut you don’t want to have sloppy makeouts with them, either.  
EB: i think i get it…  
AG: That’s actually the hardest quadrant, in my opinion, to explain. So I miiiiiiiight have done a 8ad jo8 at explaining it…  
EB: it’s fine. i think i get the basics of it, anyway.  
AG: Okay. So you get the quadrants now?  
EB: i think so. much more than when karkat explained them to me, anyway.  
AG: Awesome! So. With that taken care of – John. Will you 8e my moirail?  
EB: yes. i might be awful at it, at least at first, but i can try!  
AG: Y8y! This is s8 exc8ting!! Thank you thank you thank you!  
EB: haha. you’re welcome vriska.  
AG: Okay, I’m gonna go ahead and sign off so that you can go talk to Vantas! He’s not my ideal choice for your m8sprit, 8uuuuuuuut I guess he’ll 8e okay. You could definitely do worse.  
AG: Anyway, I’ll talk to you l8r!  
AG: 8ye!  
EB: bye!

 

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

 

CG: JOHN.   
EB: hey karkat!   
EB: i was actually just getting ready to talk to you. what’s up?   
CG: WE’LL GET INTO WHY YOU WANTED TO TALK TO ME IN A MINUTE.   
CG: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH SERKET?   
EB: what do you mean?   
CG: SHE JUST LEFT ME THE VERY CRYPTIC MESSAGE OF “If you hurt my moirail, 8e prepared to die.”   
CG: I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW SHE HAD A FUCKING MOIRAIL AT ALL.   
CG: AND SINCE SHE SEEMS TO TALK TO YOU ALMOST AS MUCH AS I DO LATELY, I FIGURED I WOULD ASK YOU IF YOU HAD ANY CLUE AS TO WHAT SHE MEANT.   
EB: oh that! yeah, i’m her moirail.   
CG: YOU… WHAT?   
EB: i was talking to her a few minutes ago and after she freaked out because i talked to rose about something before i talked to her about it she admitted that she wanted to be my moirail.   
CG: DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS?   
EB: yeah, she explained it to me. she also explained all the other quadrants to me, too.   
CG: AND YOU ACTUALLY UNDERSTOOD WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT?   
EB: i think so. i told her that i might not be very good at it, at least to begin with, but that i would try. i also had to get her to calm down at the beginning of our conversation, and apparently that’s part of it too.   
CG: YEAH… I DON’T KNOW IF I SHOULD BE PROUD OF HER FOR BEING ABLE TO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU OR UPSET THAT YOU UNDERSTOOD HER EXPLANATION AND NOT MINE.   
EB: i think you should be proud.   
CG: YOU WOULD SAY THAT.   
CG: YOU’RE HER MOIRAIL.   
EB: hehe. yeah, that’s true.   
CG: ANYWAY, WHAT WAS IT THAT YOU WANTED TO TALK ABOUT?   
EB: oh yeah. so, you remember when i told you that i would think about being with the person that i thought i like?   
CG: YEAH…   
EB: well i made it my number one priority to think about it and i’ve made up my mind.   
CG: AND?   
EB: and the answer is yes. and that person   
EB: is   
CG: JUST SAY IT ALREADY.   
EB: okay fine. jeez.   
EB: that person is you.   
CG: …   
CG: THIS IS FOR REAL?   
EB: yes.   
CG: YOU’RE NOT JUST FUCKING WITH ME?   
EB: no! why would I do that to you?   
EB: if i didn’t want to be with you i would have told you.   
EB: you should know that by now.   
CG: WELL FORGIVE ME FOR BEING SKEPTICAL.   
CG: IT’S JUST THAT AFTER SIX MONTHS OF “THINKING ABOUT IT”, AND ANOTHER HOWEVER MANY MONTHS BEFORE THAT OF HEARING “I’M NOT A HOMOSEXUAL”, A GUY STARTS TO THINK THAT HIS FLUSH CRUSH WILL NEVER RECIPROCATE.   
CG: SO EXCUSE THE HELL OUT OF ME FOR WANTING TO MAKE SURE THAT THIS ISN’T YOU DOING SOMETHING TO UP YOUR PRANKSTER’S GAMBIT OR WHATEVER.   
EB: i’m not playing a prank on you, karkat! i swear.   
EB: i guess that’s why vriska said that to you earlier, too. because i told her that i like you and since we’re moirails now she probably just wants to make sure that my feelings don’t get hurt or whatever.   
EB: so… will you be my matesprit?   
CG: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?   
EB: what? no…   
CG: I TOLD YOU HOW LONG AGO THAT I WANTED YOU TO DATE ME, OR WHATEVER HUMANS CALL IT, AND YOU SERIOUSLY HAVE TO FUCKING ASK ME IF I WANT TO BE YOUR MATESPRIT NOW THAT YOU’VE ACTUALLY DECIDED THAT IT DOESN’T MATTER THAT I’M A GUY?   
EB: …   
CG: OF COURSE I’LL BE YOUR MATESPRIT, YOU DOLT.   
EB: r – really?   
CG: YES REALLY. I’M THE ONE THAT ASKED YOU TO BEGIN WITH, SIX MONTHS AGO. REMEMBER?   
CG: I HAVE NOT CHANGED MY MIND, I FUCKING PROMISE YOU THAT.   
EB: sooo… what now? i – i actually hadn’t planned anything after this part…   
CG: SHIT. ME EITHER. WE’RE GOING TO PRETEND THAT’S BECAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY WITH OTHER THINGS, WHEN REALLY BOTH OF US KNOW THAT PART OF ME WAS JUST IN DENIAL OF THE FACT THAT YOU’D EVER ACTUALLY WANT TO BE WITH ME.   
CG: ESPECIALLY SINCE IT TOOK YOU SIX FUCKING MONTHS TO MAKE A DAMN DECISION!   
CG: REMIND ME TO THANK LALONDE ONE DAY.   
EB: hehe. okay.   
EB: but really though. what now?   
CG: I’M NOT REALLY SURE, ACTUALLY. YOU CAN’T REALLY DO VERY MANY MATESPRIT ACTIVITIES OVER A CHAT CLIENT… BUT I GUESS WE CAN MAKE PLANS FOR WHEN WE MEET UP?  
EB: sounds good to me. do you have any ideas?  
CG: HOW ABOUT WATCHING A MOVIE?  
EB: oh man that’d be so great! what about ghostbusters?  
CG: EGBERT, OUT OF ALL THE MOVIES YOU COULD HAVE NAMED, THAT ONE MAY NOT BE THE ABSOLUTE, MOST VILE, BUT I ABSOLUTELY REFUSE TO WATCH THAT FUCKING MOVIE ON OUR FIRST DATE. IT WILL BE A ROMCOM. IT CAN BE A HUMANIZED VERSION, I DON’T CARE. BUT EVERYONE KNOWS THAT YOU WATCH A ROMCOM ON THE FIRST DATE.  
EB: ugh fine. what about fool’s gold? it’s a romcom but it’s got action in it too. plus it’s got matthew mcconaughey in it and everyone knows that he’s like. the absolute best actor there is. besides nic cage. and that’s really all there is to say on the matter.  
CG: OKAY FINE. WE CAN WATCH FOOL’S GOLD.  
CG: AND NOW THAT THAT’S SETTLED, I NEED TO GO SO I CAN TELL GAMZEE THE GREAT NEWS. BUT FIRST, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I FULLY INTEND ON HOLDING YOUR HAND WHEN I SEE YOU. AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN SAY TO PERSUADE ME OTHERWISE.  
EB: hehe. okay.  
CG: ALRIGHT WELL. I GUESS I’LL TALK TO YOU LATER.  
CG: BYE.  
EB: bye.  
CG: <3  
EB: <3

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

 

John logged off of Pesterchum for the first time in what felt like hours. He walked to his room in a sort of tired, euphoric haze. He was extremely happy for the first time in over six long months and his excitement at having a moirail, which he was still slightly having issues with grasping the full concept of, almost reached the level of excitement that he felt for having Karkat as a matesprit. A part of him thought, after he finished talking with Rose, that he would just feel awkward because he now has a boyfriend. Matesprit. Whatever, it’s pretty much the same thing in his opinion.  
Instead, he just felt happy. He had someone that he could tell everything to in Vriska, and someone that he could love with no boundaries in Karkat. He had told Karkat that making this decision would become his number one priority. But really, even though he had made his decision, and was extremely happy about that, nothing had changed.  
  
Karkat was his number one.  
  
And with that thought rolling around in his head, he fell into a truly peaceful sleep for the first time in six months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Formatting is stupid. I hate it. It never works for me. :/

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if they seem a bit OOC, but this is my first fic. Hope you guys enjoyed it anyway, though. I would love a comment or review, and feel free to follow me on Tumblr, and poke and prod in order to get the next chapter. It shouldn't be too long, though. I hope to have it finished within the next week or so, so if it's longer than that, feel free to poke and prod on Tumblr. The usernames for my dA and Tumblr are in the beginning note.


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